David D Writer

THE DAY MY LANDLORD TALKED ABOUT REAL ESTATE INFLATION LIKE A TED TALK It all began on a Wednesday that smelled suspiciously like overpriced coffee and regret. My landlord, Mr. Thompson, had called me into the lobby with the enthusiasm of someone who just discovered a TED Talk about compounding interest and thought, “I can do that, but better.” I entered cautiously, expecting a simple discussion about rent, broken faucets, or missing lightbulbs. Instead, I was greeted with a PowerPoint presentation, charts, and a laser pointer like I had stumbled into a conference room designed for billionaires. Mr. Thompson began with a solemn tone. “Real estate inflation is not just a concept. It is a living, breathing entity.” I nodded, trying to appear intellectual, while secretly thinking, “He sounds like he’s about to sell me a condo in space.” He continued, “Every square foot of this building appreciates in value daily, much like cryptocurrency, except it’s backed by bricks, mortar, and my unwav...

HOW MY COWORKER’S ‘FINANCIAL DISCIPLINE’ LASTED ONLY TWO HOURS It all started on a Monday morning, the kind of Monday that smells like regret and leftover pizza. My coworker, let’s call him Greg, announced with the confidence of someone who just discovered compound interest, that he was going to practice “extreme financial discipline.” I, naturally, was intrigued. The promise of witnessing a grown adult wrestle with budgeting and self-control is a rare form of office entertainment, somewhere between watching a cat fight a cucumber and a toddler try to count their allowance. .

WHY MY DEBIT CARD HAS TRUST ISSUES WITH ME I always suspected my debit card had feelings. Not emotions like joy or sadness, no. I’m talking pure judgmental, side-eye, “I know what you did last Friday night” kind of feelings. The first clue was when I tried to buy a pack of gum at the corner store and it declined me. Not once, not twice, but three times. I looked at the screen like it had personally betrayed me. “Do you even know me?” I whispered. The card, of course, said nothing—but I felt it staring at me, like it knew I also couldn’t resist a 3 a.m. online sneaker drop. .

MY FRIEND’S FAKE FINANCIAL GURU ADVICE THAT SOUNDED LIKE ASTROLOGY I have met many questionable people in my life, but nothing prepared me for the day my friend, Kelvin, decided he was now a “Financial Guru.” He didn’t read a finance book. He didn’t take an online course. He didn’t watch a YouTube tutorial. He simply woke up one morning, wore a turtle-neck sweater, downloaded a stock-market wallpaper, and declared himself the “Oracle of Wealth Creation.” .

HOW MY TAX CONSULTANT LOOKED AT MY RECEIPTS AND WHISPERED “OH LORD” I have experienced many terrifying things in adulthood, including checking my bank account balance after “just a little online shopping,” opening my crypto wallet after a market crash, and calculating how much money I’ve spent on food delivery in a single month. But nothing — absolutely nothing — prepared me for the moment my tax consultant looked at my pile of receipts, removed his glasses slowly like a disappointed professor, and whispered, “Oh Lord.” At that moment, I knew two things: 1. My financial life was a comedy show with no commercial breaks. 2. I should have majored in accounting instead of pretending financial literacy was something optional. .

THE DAY I INVESTED IN A STARTUP THAT SOLD MOTIVATIONAL WATER I have made several questionable financial decisions in my life, but none compares to the day I invested in a startup that sold Motivational Water. Yes, water. Liquid. H₂O. The same thing that falls from the sky for free but is somehow worth millions when packaged with inspiration. The idea came to me at 3 a.m., which, as research shows, is the exact hour when financially unstable people make bold business decisions. I was scrolling through articles about “High-Income Online Opportunities” and “Passive Income Strategies for Wealth Creation,” when an advert popped up: .