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THE DAY I TRIED GETTING A PERSONAL LOAN FOR EMOTIONAL DAMAGE

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THE DAY I TRIED GETTING A PERSONAL LOAN FOR EMOTIONAL DAMAGE I never thought applying for a personal loan could feel like auditioning for a reality TV show, but here we are. Banks, I have realized, treat your emotional scars like collateral. You think you’re walking in to get some cash to heal your heart, and suddenly your self-esteem gets audited. The first thing that hit me was the waiting room. If patience was a financial asset, I’d be a billionaire by the time they called my name. Chairs were arranged in suspiciously strategic clusters, like they were testing whether human beings can form investment portfolios while suppressing their rage. .
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WHY MY BANK SENDS NOTIFICATIONS LIKE THEY’RE GOSSIPING ABOUT ME

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WHY MY BANK SENDS NOTIFICATIONS LIKE THEY’RE GOSSIPING ABOUT ME If my bank ever becomes a human being, I am convinced it would be that one friend who calls you at 6:02 AM just to tell you something that is absolutely none of your business but somehow becomes your business. You know the type — the friend who whispers, “Have you heard?” before you even say hello. .
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HOW MY COUSIN’S INSURANCE CLAIM TURNED INTO A COMEDY SERIES

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HOW MY COUSIN’S INSURANCE CLAIM TURNED INTO A FULL-BLOWN COMEDY SERIES I never believed in miracles until I watched my cousin attempt to file an insurance claim. This man single-handedly created a five-season Netflix-worthy comedy series without realizing he was the main actor, director, script writer, and unlicensed stuntman. .
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MY HILARIOUS ATTEMPT AT RETIREMENT PLANNING AT AGE 24

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THE DAY MY GUY TRIED BUDGETING AND HIS WALLET FILED FOR DIVORCE If you’ve ever watched someone attempt financial planning with the confidence of a man who has only ₦2,800 in his bank account but the ego of a billionaire, then congratulations — you know exactly what I experienced the day my guy decided he was finally going to “take control of his financial future.” .
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THE DAY I REALIZED MY CREDIT SCORE HAS TRUST ISSUES WITH ME

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  THE DAY I REALIZED MY CREDIT SCORE HAS TRUST ISSUES WITH ME I always thought my credit score was like a loyal dog—always by my side, wagging its numerical tail, happy that I was feeding it responsibly. But that day, oh that fateful day, I realized my credit score has trust issues with me. It looked at my financial behavior like I was the person who “accidentally” deletes all emails labeled “Important” and then wonders why the world is conspiring against them. .
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WHY USING A CASH-BACK CREDIT CARD MADE ME MORE BROKE

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  WHY USING A CASH-BACK CREDIT CARD MADE ME MORE BROKE Let me start by saying this: credit cards are dangerous. No, really, they are the financial equivalent of handing a toddler a flamethrower. And cash-back credit cards? Oh, they are the glittery, shiny, “you-can-trust-me-I’m-good-money” version of that toddler-flamethrower combo. .
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MY FRIEND’S FAKE BUSINESS PLAN THAT SOUNDED LIKE A NETFLIX SCAM DOCUMENTARY

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  MY FRIEND’S FAKE BUSINESS PLAN THAT SOUNDED LIKE A NETFLIX SCAM DOCUMENTARY Some ideas are good. Some ideas are mediocre. And then there’s my friend Jason. Jason has ideas that belong in a Netflix scam documentary narrated by someone with a deep, serious voice, staring solemnly at stock footage of confused people and slightly terrified office spaces. .
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