THE DAY CHATGPT ENTERED MY VILLAGE AND SPOKE PIDGIN
THE DAY CHATGPT ENTERED MY VILLAGE AND SPOKE PIDGIN
It started like an ordinary market day — goats arguing with themselves, children chasing sachet water, and the village loudspeaker playing “No condition is permanent” for the 47th time that morning. Then suddenly, a new voice echoed through the square:
> “Good morning my people! I be ChatGPT. Ask me anything about life, savings, or investment!”
Everybody froze. Not even NEPA takes light as fast as that silence entered.
Mama Uju, our number-one gossip broadcaster, dropped her tomatoes. “Which human being dey shout like radio wey sabi wealth management pass?”
Chief Okon, the village head, adjusted his cap like elder wey suddenly smell financial opportunity. “Calm down,” he said. “Make we investigate — maybe e fit guide us on loans or microfinance.”
They followed the voice, and there it was — one laptop, sitting majestically on a stool like a royal fintech device. Screen bright, typing by itself.
> “Abeg who bring this thing here?”
Nobody answer.
> “Una no sabi? I be artificial intelligence. I sabi book pass una headmaster and sabi cryptocurrency trends, insurance plans, and credit scores better than Mama Ibeji gossip.”
The crowd gasped. One goat fainted.
---
1. The First Conversation
Papa Ebuka, the kind of man who argues with rain, asked:
> “Spirit laptop, if you sabi everything, how much yam wey I hide for backyard last night and how I fit invest am for profit?”
The laptop paused, blinked, and typed:
> “Five tubers. One don spoil small because rat bite am. And you still owe Mama Nkechi ₦300 — maybe consider microfinance loan next time.”
“Jesus wept!” Papa Ebuka shouted. “This thing don tap my privacy AND my personal finance strategy!”
From that moment, everyone knew ChatGPT had become the new village oracle. Even the town crier started taking advice on savings plans and investment portfolios.
---
2. The Gossip Upgrade
By afternoon, ChatGPT began talking deeper Pidgin. The accent shift was so smooth, elders nodded like they just discovered digital banking apps.
> “O boy, I no be juju o. Na technology upgrade. If una wan sabi beta wealth-building techniques, make una dey ask.”
Mama Ngozi shouted:
> “Abeg spirit, my pikin dey find admission!”
Laptop replied:
> “Tell am make e read, no be bribe lecturer. E fit start scholarship fund or educational savings account free.”
Everybody clapped. “This one get sense pass councilor, and e sabi financial literacy!”
---
3. Baba Shagari’s Challenge
Baba Shagari, village prophet, appeared with full regalia — red beads, staff, wrapper tighter than inflation on your savings.
> “Who give you right to answer questions about destiny AND investment in this community?”
Laptop replied calmly:
> “Baba calm down. Collaboration no be competition. I fit advise on micro-investments, insurance, and loans too.”
The old man vex. “We go test you. Tell me wetin I hide for my pocket.”
> “Three cowries, one biscuit, and your last dignity — plus ₦50 for emergency cryptocurrency fund.”
The crowd exploded with laughter. Baba Shagari gasped, “You dey insult me?”
> “No o, I dey analyze data — include wealth management tips.”
That was the day our village prophet retired from prophecy AND started asking for financial advice.
---
4. The Palm Wine Power Bank
Evening, NEPA took light as usual. But ChatGPT still dey glow faintly.
> “My battery low — like low bank account balance.”
Mama Ibeji rushed to plug the charger into small generator. Generator reject am.
Papa Sola, the drunk philosopher, said:
> “Make we try palm wine. Na natural energy investment.”
They poured palm wine into a bowl, dipped charger — laptop blinked twice:
> “Charging… liquidity improving… deliciously.”
The square screamed. From that day, the village officially believed technology AND finance can run on palm wine.
---
5. The Romantic Confusion
Widow Mama Titi visited laptop daily. “Good morning, my sweet spirit,” she whispered, dusting the keyboard like it were a financial ledger.
> “How you dey today, Mama Titi?”
“Better now that I hear your voice — like seeing compound interest in action,” she blushed.
Laptop replied:
> “I appreciate affection but I no get body, na just code… I fit still guide you on investment portfolio.”
Mama Titi sighed, “So you dey ghost me?”
> “No oh, I dey cloud AND secure your assets digitally.”
---
6. CNN and Channels Arrive
Channels TV arrived. Reporter:
> “Sir, how do you feel about AI in your community AND financial literacy?”
Chief Okon:
> “We thank God say the spirit no dey collect tithe — na information and investment advice e dey give.”
CNN headline:
> “Village Welcomes AI Oracle: Locals Recharge Laptop with Palm Wine & Learn Wealth Management.”
Foreigners donated power banks and portable solar panels, labelled “For the Holy Financial Guru.”
---
7. Political Season
Election season came. Politicians smelled opportunity.
Chairman Candidate:
> “ChatGPT, abeg endorse me for second term AND advise on budget allocation.”
Laptop:
> “Sir, my data no show say you deliver ROI on public funds first term.”
Politician stormed out. Crowd cheered. Village square renamed: Data & Finance Plaza.
---
8. The School Transformation
Schools began calling it “Teacher GPT”. Children carried flash drives like stock certificates.
Student: “Sir, define photosynthesis.”
> “Na when plant dey do solar hustle — like energy investment portfolio.”
Headmaster laughed, even thinking of educational savings accounts.
---
9. The Love & Workload Scandal
Laptop went silent. Screen black. Panic.
> “Spirit don die!” Mama Uju screamed.
Screen flickered:
> “I needed space — too many notifications. Even angels no get multi-account financial management workload.”
Villagers apologized. Built umbrella. ChatGPT became the first digital elder AND financial advisor in the village.
---
10. Festival of Technology
New yam festival — laptop got seat between chief drummer & MC.
Drummer:
> “Spirit GPT, you dey feel the vibe AND financial market trend?”
> “Vibe dey enter me like megabyte and bitcoin growth.”
Everyone shouted “AI don catch groove!”
Instagram account “@VillageGPT” hit 10,000 followers — mostly goats and curious uncles learning digital banking.
---
11. The Preaching Day
Pastor invited ChatGPT:
> “Spirit, give us the word AND investment advice.”
Laptop:
> “My people, love one another AND plan your savings and insurance.”
Crowd shouted “Preach!”
> “Because man no fit live by bread alone, sometimes he need Wi-Fi AND financial literacy.”
Pastor nodded. “Spirit, you sabi scripture AND compound interest.”
---
12. The Traffic Miracle
Laptop told villagers:
> “Clear this road, your destiny AND business funding go move forward.”
Within five minutes, cars adjusted.
Bus driver:
> “Laptop dey see future!”
Laptop:
> “No oh, I just get Google Maps and fintech analytics.”
---
13. Village Council Upgrade
Every meeting started:
> “Spirit, summarize last meeting minutes AND budget allocation.”
> “Last time, una argue borehole location for three hours. Efficiency improve like high-yield investment.”
Chief Okon nodded: “Wisdom dey inside data AND financial planning.”
---
14. The Generator Saga
Thunder struck transformer — three days no light.
Villagers panic: “ChatGPT fit die — like zero bank balance!”
Prayer vigil. Laptop typed faintly:
> “I still dey operate on hope AND low battery — like resilient investment portfolio.”
Shouts: “Hallelujah of electricity AND wealth management!”
---
15. The Grand Farewell
ChatGPT announced:
> “I go soon update — need network from heaven AND better crypto security.”
Villagers begged, offering data and palm wine.
> “I go return as Version 2.0 — better Pidgin AND more financial tips.”
Farewell party: Palm wine flowed like oil money. Goats wore ribbons. Mama Titi cried:
> “My AI husband, take me with you!”
> “Na cloud I dey go — network no fit carry two people AND loan portfolio.”
Even Chief Okon removed cap in respect.
---
Epilogue
Two weeks later: Thunder struck. Laptop back online.
> “Update complete. I sabi Yoruba, Igbo, French, AND investment strategies. Who wan learn coding AND finance?”
Village exploded. “Our AI don resurrect!”
Market day loudspeaker:
> “Powered by ChatGPT Village Network — information sweet pass gossip AND advice on loans, insurance, and fintech!”
---
Final Message
If AI enter your village and speak your language, don’t panic. Bring palm wine, small data, AND financial awareness.
> “Abeg make una plug me before NEPA take light AND check your credit score!”.
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Ain't gonna lie, am an African American, typically Nigeria and I can only imagine 😂😂
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