THE FAST-FOOD CUSTOMER THAT WENT TO PRISON BECAUSE OF ONE EXTRA MEAT
🍗 THE FAST-FOOD CUSTOMER THAT WENT TO PRISON BECAUSE OF ONE EXTRA MEAT 😂
It all started on a hot Tuesday afternoon — the type of day when PHCN and your financial destiny both take light at the same time.
Mr. Seyi, a calm-looking Nigerian man with the face of a motivational speaker and the appetite of ten hungry lions, entered a popular fast-food joint called “Pepper Republic Eatery” — his wallet holding cash like a microfinance investor ready to diversify.
He was peaceful, innocent, and just wanted one simple thing — rice and chicken. But little did he know, his fiscal and protein portfolio was about to be rewritten by one single meat.
---
🍽️ Scene One: The Innocent Order That Caused a National Emergency
Seyi walked in majestically, holding ₦2,500 like a man ready to make a high-yield investment in protein assets. The AC was blowing like interest on a savings account, and the aroma of jollof rice hit him harder than a surprise loan approval notification.
“Good afternoon,” he said confidently to the cashier — a slim lady named Blessing, whose face looked like she had been battling customer service debt collection all morning.
“Please gimme rice and chicken. Big portion. Don’t cheat me oh.”
Blessing smiled, that dangerous smile that screams inflation in portion sizes. She dished the food, added one chicken wing that looked like it had survived a recession, and said, “That will be ₦2,500.”
Seyi looked at the chicken…
Looked at Blessing…
Then back at the chicken again…
“Madam, what is this? Is this chicken or micro-investment elbow?”
Blessing rolled her eyes. “That’s the standard size, sir. Think of it as a risk-adjusted portfolio.”
Seyi inhaled deeply like a man trying to swallow credit card debt anger.
“My sister, I said chicken, not pigeon joint. Don’t play with me this afternoon. I’m fasting emotionally.”
The queue behind him started laughing. One man even recorded a video, whispering, “Na litigation go soon start.”
---
🔥 Scene Two: The Rice Uprising
Seyi refused to move. He stood there like a financial activist demanding justice for mismanaged protein assets.
“Bring your manager!” he shouted. “I paid full price! Give me meat with body, not skeleton — return my ROI!”
The manager came out — a pot-bellied man named Mr. Confidence. “Sir, calm down,” he said, wiping sweat like a banker during market volatility.
Seyi: “Don’t tell me to calm down. If I wanted small meat, I’d invest in peanuts at microfinance level!”
Everyone in the restaurant was filming. A little boy asked his mummy, “Mummy, is this Nollywood live, or stock market drama?”
Mr. Confidence, trying to end the drama, whispered, “Okay, let’s add one extra meat for him — think of it as bonus yield.”
Blessing replied, “Sir, that’s not our policy. One chicken per plate.”
That was it. Trigger pulled. Ancestors intervened.
“POLICY KE? YOU PEOPLE HAVE STOLEN ENOUGH PROTEIN VALUE IN THIS COUNTRY!” screamed Seyi.
He grabbed the extra meat from the display tray and shouted,
> “IF NA POLICY, THEN LOCK ME UP! I WANT MY EQUITY!”
The restaurant went silent. Even the generator paused, like a bank waiting for payment confirmation.
---
🚔 Scene Three: The Arrival of the Law
Five minutes later, security guard Uncle Monday — a retired boxer — tried to stop him. But Seyi had already eaten half the meat with high-risk joy.
“Sir, drop the meat!”
“Over my full stomach!” Seyi replied, chewing like a man protecting investment collateral.
By the time the police arrived, Seyi was calmly picking teeth like a man auditing his wealth portfolio.
One officer walked in: “Who is the suspect?”
Everyone pointed dramatically.
“That man! The man who stole one meat!”
Officer raised an eyebrow: “You mean… ONE meat?”
“Yes!” Blessing shouted. “He disrespected our policy!”
Officer sighed: “Oga, you’re under arrest for unauthorized asset acquisition.”
Seyi stood proudly: “Good. Lock me up. At least in prison, they serve meat with proper financial value.”
---
🧱 Scene Four: Prison Wahala
At the station, even the DPO laughed.
“So you mean this man dey here because of one meat?”
“Yes sir,” Officer replied. “Chicken thigh, sir.”
Seyi corrected: “It was supposed to be chicken LAP — high-grade protein, like premium bonds!”
The station exploded in laughter. One officer even offered him pure water liquidity out of pity.
---
📰 Scene Five: Breaking News Madness
By evening, story went viral:
“MAN ARRESTED OVER CHICKEN MEAT WAR — CLAIMS IT WAS ABOUT DIGNITY, NOT DIET.”
Twitter exploded:
> “This man deserves a national award. He fought for maximum ROI in fast-food consumption since 2001!”
CNN picked it up:
> “A Nigerian man’s chicken protest sparks debate on food equity and economic justice.”
---
🍗 Scene Six: The Great Prison Feast
Prison cook served beans and dry fish. Seyi stood:
“Officer! Where’s the meat with liquidity?”
Warders laughed.
Seyi dramatically declared:
> “As long as I breathe, no man shall cheat another man of protein asset value again!”
Prisoners carved small wooden chickens as symbolic collateral.
---
🎤 Scene Seven: The Freedom Speech
After bail, journalists surrounded him.
“Yes. Never let anyone cheat you of your meat — physically or financially.”
“If your portion looks small, speak up! For every small meat, your portfolio of dignity reduces by 2MB!”
---
🏆 Scene Eight: The National Reward
Weeks later, a chicken brand signed him as ambassador:
“Seyi the Meat Defender — One Bite, One Justice.”
Even presidential media commented:
> “This man represents courage, dignity, and high-value asset protection.”
He became a motivational speaker, wrote From Fried Meat to Freedom, and hosts MEAT YOUR DESTINY podcast — topics include:
“Surviving Emotional Starvation at Fast-Food Joints”
“Detecting Stingy Chicken Policies like Financial Fraud”
“When Stomach Roars for Justice — A Risk Management Lesson”
---
😂 Scene Nine: The Grand Lesson
Never underestimate a hungry man with principles.
In Nigeria, one small meat can cause a national incident, viral news, and even social media investment trends.
Next time your chicken looks like it attended hunger strike — channel your inner Seyi:
> “Excuse me, I paid for protein, not shadow equity!”
---
😂 Bonus Ending Quote:
> “Some fight for freedom. Some fight for justice.
Only one man fought for meat — and won hearts, wallets, and clicks worldwide.” 💸🔥
---
Written by: David D Writer
The only man who witnessed a Nigerian man turn a chicken meal into viral financial comedy gold. 😂💰
😂 Don’t Miss Out On The Madness!
I drop brand-new funny, wild, and brain-sparking stories daily at exactly 10 AM & 6 PM — twice a day! From “Naija wahala” to global comedy gist, I deliver laughter hotter than Lagos sun ☀️ Subscribe now or risk missing your daily dose of “hilarious wisdom”! 😎🔥
🚀 Join the laughter squad — your inbox will thank you later! 💌 #DavidDWriter | Daily dose of joy, two times a day 😁
Lol😂
ReplyDelete😂
ReplyDeleteHonestly ehnn😂😂😂
ReplyDeleteDame🫢😂
ReplyDeleteFunny 😂
ReplyDeleteAmazing 😂
ReplyDelete