THE LECTURER THAT MARKED SCRIPT WITH HOLY WATER
THE LECTURER THAT MARKED SCRIPT WITH HOLY WATER
It all started on an otherwise unremarkable Thursday — a day when the sun pretended to rise while the birds were gossiping about the economic recession and fluctuating interest rates.
Our university campus was its usual blend of chaos, anxiety, and inflation-driven snacks. Yet, nothing prepared us for the financial comedy miracle about to unfold — the saga of Professor Obinna, the lecturer who decided that normal grading systems were too low in value compared to his divine investment strategy.
Yes, this was the man who believed that holy water was not just a spiritual asset but also a liquid investment tool with higher returns than treasury bonds.
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A New Kind of Academic Investment
On that fateful day, students filed into the lecture hall with scripts full of hope, confusion, and low academic liquidity.
Professor Obinna entered like a CEO walking into a boardroom after a profitable IPO. In his right hand was a bottle of holy water — not a pen — and in his left, a small golden bell that looked like it had been purchased with compound interest.
Every time a student made eye contact, he rang the bell like he was announcing a new financial policy reform.
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The Cleansing of Tunde’s Portfolio
The first script he opened belonged to Tunde, a student famous for submitting essays that were half brilliance and half bankruptcy.
Professor Obinna sniffed the script, nodded like an investment banker reviewing a risky crypto deal, and whispered:
“Hmm… This one reeks of potential... and mild economic instability.”
Without warning, he dipped his finger into the holy water and sprinkled it over Tunde’s answers.
“This,” he declared, “will cleanse your portfolio of all academic debt and diversify your intellectual investment!”
Tunde gasped, “Sir! You’re wetting my paper!”
Professor Obinna smiled. “Young man, this is not an expense. It’s a spiritual deposit into your academic account.”
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Holy Water Meets Academic Inflation
As the professor moved from desk to desk, sprinkling like a central bank distributing bailout funds, whispers filled the room.
Some students were recording videos, muttering, “Is he marking with holy water or adjusting the interest rate of our GPA?”
Others began praying for divine financial breakthrough — that maybe, just maybe, the holy water might convert their academic deficit into a grade surplus.
When he reached my script, the man paused dramatically.
He adjusted his spectacles and said, “David, your essay is a risky investment. It shows potential, but also serious signs of market volatility.”
Before I could respond, he splashed an entire financial quarter’s worth of holy water onto my script.
My ink ran like the stock market during a crisis.
“Sir! My answers!” I shouted.
“Fear not,” he said calmly. “Your answers have just undergone divine asset cleansing. You are now debt-free — academically and spiritually.”
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When Divine Policy Meets Academic Economics
The lecture hall had transformed into a sacred financial institution.
Scripts lay everywhere, soaked like documents after a flood insurance claim.
Some students knelt, praying for grade appreciation, while others whispered like traders at the stock exchange.
A girl behind me muttered, “Should we tithe our marks now or after the exam?”
Professor Obinna rang his bell again. “Attention, my investors! We are witnessing a bull market of blessings!”
He lifted another script. “This student,” he announced, “invested in hard work but failed to diversify his knowledge portfolio. Yet the Lord will stabilize his academic assets!”
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The Blank Script Miracle
Then came the miracle of the blank script — the highlight of the semester.
A student had submitted an empty answer sheet. No data, no figures, no intellectual capital.
But Professor Obinna looked at it and smiled like a banker who just discovered untapped oil reserves.
He sprinkled it generously with holy water. “Even the blank has potential. Even zero balance can become profitable when blessed with divine liquidity!”
The class erupted.
Some students laughed; others took notes like financial analysts observing market anomalies.
One whispered, “Maybe I should submit blank next time — this looks like a tax-free blessing!”
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The Final Audit
By mid-morning, every paper had been spiritually evaluated, economically sanitized, and emotionally depreciated.
The professor, drenched in his own holy water, looked like the chairman of the Central Bank of Divine Evaluation.
He raised his bell once more and declared, “Go forth, my children. Study hard, pray harder, and remember — holy water is a better investment than red ink.”
We left the hall soaked, confused, and slightly more spiritual.
Some students promised to open “Academic Mutual Funds” before the next exam.
Others started selling bottles of “sanctified holy water” behind the hostel — at a 40% profit margin.
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Final Thoughts
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the legendary story of the lecturer who marked scripts with holy water — a tale of academic inflation, divine intervention, and market-adjusted miracles.
It reminds us that in education, as in finance, sometimes you don’t just need hard work — you need divine liquidity and spiritual creditworthiness.
Because in the grand economy of life, whether it’s faith, finance, or final exams — the ultimate ROI (Return on Inspiration) always comes from believing that even failure can be blessed into fortune.
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Lol I can only imagine 😂
ReplyDeleteInteresting 😂
ReplyDeleteI love this 😂
ReplyDeleteFunny 😂
ReplyDeleteI wish to have this kinda lecture here in Texas 😂
ReplyDeleteWow 😂
ReplyDelete