WHEN A ZOO MONKEY STOLE A TOURIST’S IPHONE AND STARTED POSTING SELFIES
WHEN A ZOO MONKEY STOLE A TOURIST’S IPHONE AND STARTED POSTING SELFIES
A Naija-style global comedy about fame, chaos, banana-powered Wi-Fi, and unexpected financial strategy.
You think you’ve seen madness? Wait till a monkey becomes an influencer… and starts thinking like a cryptocurrency trader.
It all started one peaceful Saturday morning at the Banana Republic Zoo, a place where animals mind their business — except Bobo. Bobo was no ordinary monkey; he had swagger. He walked like Burna Boy, stared like Wizkid, and had the confidence of someone who pays rent, taxes, and invests in stocks on time.
A tourist from London — one of those people who call every animal “cute” even when the lion is plotting bankruptcy — was taking pictures. She bent down to snap Bobo. Bad idea. Bobo looked at her like, “You think this is National Geographic or a financial newsletter?”
Next thing, WHOOSH! In one Olympic-level jump, Bobo snatched her iPhone 15 Pro Max and vanished into the treetops like Spider-Man funded by venture capital for bananas. 😭😭
Zoo staff shouted, “Catch am!” But who go catch a monkey moving faster than day traders during crypto volatility?
Within ten minutes, Bobo had opened Instagram Live. 💀
People were like, “Wait ooo, who’s this hairy influencer with better ROI than my mutual funds?”
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Bobo adjusted the camera, looked straight into the lens, and posted his first caption:
> “New drip. No cage can hold greatness. 🐒📱💨 #MonkeyBusiness #InvestInBananas”
BROOOO, THE INTERNET EXPLODED. 😭🔥
CNN covered it. Instablog9ja posted it. Even Wizkid FC commented: “He’s outperforming my stock portfolio.” 😭
Within 24 hours, Bobo had 1.5 million followers. He started skits: “When you steal an iPhone and NEPA takes light,” “POV: Your zookeeper thinks you’re on TikTok, but you’re trading crypto.”
The zoo tried to catch him by posting “Missing Monkey. Please return our property.”
Bobo replied:
> “Respect my privacy, I’m on tour… managing my investment portfolio.” 😭😭
Brands reached out. Banana companies offered deals. One wrote: “Bobo, can you hold our banana for an ad shoot?”
He replied:
> “Only paid collabs, DM my manager (chimpanzee). IPO approved.” 😂
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One morning, Wizkid’s team posted a picture. Two hours later, Bobo posted the same pose with the caption:
> “If Wizkid is Starboy, then I’m BananaBoy — building wealth one banana at a time.” 🌟🍌💰
Wahala scatter. FC vs Zoo FC erupted on Twitter. People tweeted:
“Bobo has higher engagement than your faves’ crypto investments.”
“Monkey dey monetize better than half of these influencers.”
“BananaBoy for Grammy 2026 — sponsored by business loans.” 😭😭
Even Davido commented with laughing emojis. Bobo replied:
> “001 recognize 001. Respect. Diversifying assets.”
💀💀💀
That’s how Bobo became the first verified monkey on Instagram. Blue tick shining like a solid retirement plan.
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But fame dey change person… Before long, Bobo stopped eating regular bananas.
> “I only take organic, imported from Ecuador — expense covered by cryptocurrency earnings.” 😭
He started doing giveaways — “Tag three friends and win free banana bundle!” — basically affiliate marketing in fur.
He even dropped a song: ‘No Cage, No Problem’, featuring a parrot backup singer. It hit Apple Music Top 10 in Congo — generating royalty income.
Meanwhile, the tourist cried in the zoo:
> “Please, that phone had my honeymoon pictures!”
Bobo replied in her DMs:
> “Subscribe to my Patreon for exclusive content — premium investment advice included.” 😭😭😭
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Police were called. SWAT arrived with drones, nets, and banana traps. Bobo livestreamed it, playing “Calm Down” by Rema. Fans commented:
> “This monkey dey run a reality show AND a fintech startup simultaneously!”
Eventually, Bobo escaped into Lagos mainland. Don’t ask how — Wi-Fi and destiny have no borders.
In Lagos, he opened a studio: Bobo Nation HQ. Portable visited. They collabed on “Zazoo Banana Remix” — generating royalties, streaming revenue, and merchandise sales.
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Within a week, Bobo performed on stages wearing shades, gold chain, Gucci belt. One MC introduced him:
> “Ladies and gentlemen, the only influencer who never pays NEPA bill — BOBOOOOOOOO!!!”
Crowd went wild. He grabbed the mic:
> “Who dey breeeeeeeeeeeath?!”
Fans fainted. 💀
Meanwhile, Wizkid’s manager posted cryptic tweet:
> “Some monkeys need to respect legends.”
Bobo replied with banana emoji:
> 🍌+🌟=👑 (Return on investment guaranteed)
Hashtag #BananaVsStarboy trended for one week. Even Elon Musk tweeted: “Twitter HQ ready to host the space IPO.”
Bobo joined X (formerly Twitter). First tweet:
> “I stole an iPhone and found purpose — and passive income.”
😭😭😭
Netflix offered a documentary deal: “Monkey See, Monkey Influencer”. Streaming records smashed. People in London bought fake tails to replicate Bobo’s brand strategy.
Then, phone battery died. 💀
Bobo panicked, tried charging it with mango, papaya — nothing.
> “God abeg, no be today! NEPA dey kill my fintech dreams!”
Silent for three days. Fans tweeted:
“Where’s Bobo?”
“Has Wizkid arrested him?”
“NEPA don catch him?”
On fourth day, video appeared: Bobo calmly eating banana, captioned:
> “Phone died. Fame didn’t. Portfolio safe.”
😭😭😭😭
Zoo forgave him. Made him brand ambassador:
> “Visit Banana Republic Zoo — Home of the Influencer Monkey and investment guru.”
Tourist got phone months later — full of selfies, vlogs, unreleased diss tracks. Sold it on eBay for $1.2 million — lesson in asset liquidation. 💀💀
Now Bobo lives in Banana Island. Mansion, PR team, girlfriend (chimp with 1.3M followers). They post couple skits like:
> “When your babe steals your charger but you still love her — monetize that energy.”
😂😂😂😂
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MORAL OF THE STORY:
Never underestimate a monkey with Wi-Fi, confidence, and financial acumen. Because in this generation, anyone — human, animal, or half-ripe banana — can go viral AND monetize. 🍌📱💰💀
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Written by: David D Writer
The only man who witnessed a monkey drag Wizkid online, launch an influencer empire, and survive to tell the story. 😭🔥
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Even monkeys knows the very best 😂
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