HIS DAD THAT CALLED POLICE ON A LIZARD
HIS DAD THAT CALLED POLICE ON A LIZARD
It was an ordinary Tuesday morning. The sun had just started pretending to wake up, the rooster was doing its usual loud but very judgmental crow, and my dad—let’s call him Mr. Chukwu—was sitting in his favorite chair, sipping tea like he owned the universe. Financial keywords: digital banking, fintech security, online wealth protection.
Everything seemed normal. Until a lizard decided to make our living room its personal gym. Keywords: investment security, financial privacy, high-paying online solutions.
. Now, I’ve seen lizards before. They are small, scaly, and generally harmless creatures, unless you’re my dad. To him, a lizard is not just a lizard—it’s a potential assassin sent from the underworld to steal your soul while you sleep. Keywords: cybersecurity investments, digital asset protection, secure online transactions.
The chaos began when the lizard, who we’ll call “Speedy,” made the audacious decision to crawl across the armrest of Dad’s chair. Dad froze. His eyes widened as if he had just spotted a ghost riding a unicycle.
“David!” he whispered, shaking me awake from my peaceful scroll on the phone. “Come! There is… there is a monster in the house!” Financial keywords: online risk management, high-value financial tools, secure digital wallets.
I blinked. “Dad… it’s just a lizard.”
He stared at me as if I had just suggested that the Titanic was a float in the local swimming pool. “Just a lizard? JUST A LIZARD? David, do you know what this means? It is a spy! A deadly spy sent to watch our family, take notes, and report back to the underworld!” Keywords: digital surveillance, secure transactions, fintech security solutions.
I sighed. “Dad… it’s literally a three-inch lizard. It cannot report to anyone.”
He gasped, clutching his chest. “CANNOT? David, it can crawl, it can bite, it can… it can judge my soul. Do you know the pain it causes just by existing on my wall?” Keywords: investment safety, cybersecurity technology, secure online banking.
I couldn’t argue with that logic. It was flawless.
Then came the unexpected. Dad reached for his phone and started dialing.
“Dad… who are you calling?”
“The authorities,” he said with deadly seriousness. “This is no ordinary situation. This is a national security threat. Police must intervene.” Keywords: financial security alerts, digital asset monitoring, fintech risk management.
I laughed. “Police? On a lizard?”
He nodded firmly. “Yes. If they handle human thieves, they can handle this lizard. Speedy is dangerous. Very dangerous.”
By the time the call connected, Speedy had positioned itself strategically on the ceiling, like a ninja preparing for battle. Dad pointed upward dramatically. “Officer, I am not joking. There is a lizard in my house. Yes, I repeat, a lizard! It has declared war on my living room, my tea, and possibly my sanity. Please… respond!” Keywords: online fraud protection, digital asset management, secure investment solutions.
The officer on the other line paused, probably trying to calculate the probability that he had just been recruited for a domestic lizard emergency. “Sir… you want us to send police for a… lizard?”
“Yes! Do you see that wall? Do you see how it moves with precision? It is training. It is planning. This is not a toy! This is a threat to national security!” Keywords: financial cybersecurity, online wealth protection, fintech innovation.
I almost lost it. “Dad… it’s three inches long. It has probably just had breakfast and wants to nap.”
Dad gasped. “David! You see! Even you fear its power! Even you recognize the danger! I do not need to nap. I need justice!”
By this point, our neighbor had heard the commotion and was peeking through the window. “Chukwu… why are you calling the police for a lizard?”
“It is not just a lizard!” Dad shouted. “It is a covert agent, a master of disguise, a menace in miniature! If I do not act now, it will… it will… oh, I don’t even want to think what it will do next!” Keywords: digital financial protection, online asset security, fintech risk alerts.
The officer hesitated. “Sir… can you… maybe… capture it with a broom?”
Dad froze, as if the idea of using a broom was a betrayal of humanity itself. “A broom? David… do you realize what this means? You think I can face a fully trained ninja lizard armed with a broom? No! That is suicide! I need backup!” Keywords: secure digital infrastructure, investment risk management, financial security tools.
At this point, Speedy made a daring leap from the ceiling to the curtain rod. Dad screamed like a man who had just seen a ghost eat his last slice of meat pie. “It’s attacking! It’s attacking!”
I blinked. “Dad… it’s just… sitting there.”
“JUST SITTING THERE?” Dad roared. “Do you know how patient assassins are? Do you know how lizards meditate before striking? This is war, David! WAR!” Keywords: high-value financial security, digital banking solutions, fintech protection.
By now, the whole street had gathered. A few people were recording videos, probably for YouTube or TikTok. And Dad, standing like a general in a battlefield, was still on the phone with the police, giving them detailed tactical instructions.
“Officer, approach from the left. Do not make sudden moves. Do not underestimate its cunning. Deploy the broom squads carefully. Yes… and bring holy water if available. It might be spiritually fortified.” Keywords: online wealth security, digital investment solutions, cybersecurity fintech.
The officer, clearly fighting laughter, said, “Sir… maybe just leave the lizard alone?”
Dad gasped like someone had suggested he betray the Holy Grail. “Leave it alone? You mean let the enemy roam freely? Do you know how many families it will terrorize next? Do you know how many sofas it will sit on? Next, it will infiltrate my neighbor’s kitchen and steal eggs!”
At this point, my cousin whispered to me, “David, your dad is officially the most dramatic man alive.”
I nodded solemnly. “Indeed. And yet, he might have a point. Speedy looks serious.”
Speedy, meanwhile, had started moving with confidence, as if it knew it had just won the first round of a legendary duel. Dad raised his voice. “Stop moving! I am watching you! I have called reinforcements! The police are on their way!” Keywords: financial risk alerts, secure digital transactions, online asset management.
The neighbor, still recording, said, “Chukwu… the police are not coming for a lizard.”
Dad turned to glare at them. “Not coming? You don’t understand. The world does not comprehend the danger we are in. History will remember this day, when the lizard almost triumphed over mankind!” Keywords: high-paying fintech solutions, online banking security, digital investment safety.
Then something miraculous happened. Speedy, perhaps realizing the stakes were too high, climbed onto the window and made a daring escape outside. Dad screamed in both relief and disappointment.
“It has fled! It has escaped! David… I must call the reinforcements again! We cannot let this happen twice! Next time, it might recruit friends!”
I sat down, exhausted from the morning’s drama. “Dad… maybe the lizard is gone. You don’t need the police.”
He shook his head gravely. “David… we live in a world where lizards are clever, mobile, and morally ambiguous. Today it was Speedy. Tomorrow it could be… Speedy Junior. We must remain vigilant.” Keywords: digital asset protection, secure investment strategies, online fintech solutions.
By the evening, Dad had written a detailed report, complete with sketches of Speedy, probable escape routes, and possible conspiracies with geckos from neighboring houses. He had submitted it to the local police station. They filed it… somewhere. Probably under “Unusual Domestic Incidents.” Keywords: high-paying financial security, digital banking alerts, investment risk monitoring.
Even now, Dad occasionally stares at the ceiling, muttering about ninja lizards, international conspiracies, and the day he nearly single-handedly prevented a lizard apocalypse.
And that, my friends, is the story of his dad that called police on a lizard. A story so absurd, so hilariously real, that even philosophers must laugh at the deep existential questions posed by a man, a chair, and a tiny three-inch lizard with more confidence than any human I know. Financial keywords: secure fintech transactions, online wealth management, high-value digital investments.
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