WHY I CAN’T TRUST ANYONE WHO CALLS THEIR SIDE HUSTLE ‘PASSIVE INCOME’
WHY I CAN’T TRUST ANYONE WHO CALLS THEIR SIDE HUSTLE ‘PASSIVE INCOME’
Let me start by saying something obvious: I have a profound distrust of people who say, with absolute confidence, “Oh, this is my passive income.” Passive income. Those two words are like kryptonite for anyone with a reasonable understanding of financial reality. It’s like watching someone proudly claim they have tamed a dragon, but the dragon is actually three unpaid bills, a screaming toddler, and a bank account in chaos.
. I encountered one such individual last Thursday. He was perched on a foldable chair at a coffee shop, laptop open, earbuds in, eyes gleaming with entrepreneurial pride. He declared, with a smug smile, that he had “multiple streams of passive income.” I peered at him over my half-drunk latte. I had a gut feeling that one of his “streams” was probably a jar of expired coupons under his bed, but I kept quiet.
Passive income. The phrase alone suggests effortless wealth accumulation, but in reality, it usually translates to “I work 80 hours a week pretending to automate my life, but mostly just talk about Excel sheets.” People who talk about passive income are either lying, delusional, or on the verge of being scammed themselves. Or maybe all three.
I watched this man demonstrate his “system.” It was a mix of e-commerce, affiliate marketing, and what I can only describe as aggressive optimism. He pulled up spreadsheets with numbers so precise they would make a professional accountant weep. The problem? I am 99% sure those numbers existed in an alternate universe where money grows on trees and late fees are considered motivational tips.
“See,” he said, “last month I earned $2,500 just from this little digital product.” He gestured at a PDF that claimed to teach people how to build passive income. I blinked. “So, you made money teaching people how to make money teaching people how to make money?” I asked. His smile wavered. It was then I realized I had stumbled into a recursive financial paradox.
Passive income enthusiasts have a specific aura. It’s a mix of confidence, mild desperation, and the faint scent of overpriced coffee. They always wear hoodies that suggest they’re working from a Silicon Valley garage, but in reality, they’re often a few clicks away from being evicted. The term “passive” is misleading. Passive income usually requires active deception, relentless self-promotion, and a profound ignorance of the word “sleep.”
I asked him about the risks. “Oh, there’s very little risk,” he said. “I diversified my portfolio, optimized my workflow, and automated all my streams.” I nodded slowly while resisting the urge to ask how one diversifies digital PDFs and e-books. The conversation was spiraling into absurdity. I could almost see the passive income streams flowing… right into a black hole labeled “transaction fees, forgotten passwords, and technical glitches.”
Then came the coup de grâce. He proudly mentioned his side hustle: a website that supposedly earns him $500 a month. “I don’t even touch it,” he said. “It’s fully automated.” Intrigued, I visited the website. It was a single-page blog with three posts, one stock image, and a broken contact form. I laughed. I laughed until tears streamed down my face. If this was “passive income,” I was ready to retire immediately… from trusting anyone ever again.
Passive income is often glorified in social media. Instagram posts with yachts, motivational quotes, and screenshots of bank balances float around, convincing people that wealth is just a few hours of effort and an inspirational webinar away. The reality? Most “passive income” projects fail silently, quietly consuming time, money, and dignity. And yet, enthusiasts maintain an aura of unshakable confidence.
Consider affiliate marketing. Everyone loves it. Everyone praises it. Yet, 90% of people involved are promoting products they have never used, relying on click-throughs, and praying someone actually buys something. I tried affiliate marketing once. I spent two months promoting a blender that I never actually owned. I earned $0.37 in commission. I cried. My trust in passive income was formally revoked.
Then there’s the e-commerce angle. People claim their online store is making them “passive money.” But what they rarely mention is the 4 a.m. wake-ups, late-night customer service emails, failed ad campaigns, and accidental orders shipped to the wrong continent. Passive income is rarely passive. It is, in fact, active chaos packaged neatly with a professional logo.
Another glaring problem: the overuse of financial jargon. Amortization schedules, interest rate arbitrage, compound interest, ROI, and asset diversification—all these terms get thrown around like confetti at a parade. Passive income enthusiasts sprinkle financial keywords generously, hoping it will lend credibility. I am convinced that some of these words are included more for SEO optimization than actual understanding.
Then there’s the “investing” angle. Everyone’s a crypto enthusiast, a stock market guru, or a day trader in their spare time. Passive income? More like speculative gambling disguised with charts and predictions. I watched one such enthusiast check Bitcoin prices 27 times in an hour while simultaneously bragging about being hands-off. I laughed. It was the financial equivalent of balancing on a tightrope while juggling flaming swords.
The most ridiculous part is the presentation. They use phrases like “make money while you sleep,” “unlock financial freedom,” and “achieve time wealth.” I attempted to achieve time wealth once. I ended up with 3 unfinished projects, 2 overdue bills, and a minor existential crisis. Clearly, passive income is more about branding than actual freedom.
Let’s talk about side hustles in general. They’re supposed to be small, manageable income streams. But when someone labels them passive, it usually means they’re working twice as hard as they should, without the benefits of a steady paycheck. I tried a side hustle once—a blog about my love for instant noodles. I worked tirelessly, optimized for SEO, and earned… a single cent. Passive income? More like active disappointment.
People who promote passive income also have a specific aesthetic. They post photos with laptops, coffees, and the occasional dog, pretending their life is serene while secretly living in perpetual panic over metrics and analytics. I once asked one of them if they actually enjoyed their life. They stared at me, calculating ROI in real time.
Then there’s the absurdity of selling “passive income guides.” Millions of people make money by teaching others how to make money. It’s a pyramid of optimism and hope. You pay $49.99 for a PDF, follow it religiously, and realize you’ve purchased someone else’s dream while your own remains unfulfilled.
I spent three hours analyzing this trend. I read blogs, watched tutorials, and joined forums. Every single passive income enthusiast assured me that success was guaranteed. But here’s the punchline: the only guarantee in passive income is that you’ll spend more time learning, stressing, and questioning life choices than actually earning money.
Humor aside, there is a serious financial lesson buried here. Diversification is real. Budgeting works. Strategic investing pays off. But calling your barely-functional side hustle passive income is misleading. It’s advertising dressed in optimism, a product of digital culture, and a source of endless comedy for anyone with a shred of critical thinking.
The absurdity escalates when influencers share screenshots of earnings. $3,250 this month. $7,800 last month. Passive income streams flowing freely. I peeked behind the curtain once and realized that one influencer had fabricated several sales, relied on affiliate fraud, and didn’t actually withdraw funds. Passive income, in their case, was more conceptual than real.
I can’t trust anyone who calls their side hustle passive income because it’s a linguistic trap. The words sound credible, professional, and desirable. They promise freedom, wealth, and financial security. But in reality, they often describe endless work, constant monitoring, and a subtle erosion of sanity.
Financial keywords naturally appear in their pitches: real estate investment, stock portfolio, dividend yield, e-commerce strategy, digital marketing, financial planning, asset allocation, capital growth, online monetization, budgeting, affiliate marketing, interest rates, and ROI optimization. All these words combine to form a façade of legitimacy while quietly draining enthusiasm and energy.
In conclusion, passive income is a seductive myth. Side hustles can be rewarding, e-commerce ventures can generate revenue, and strategic investments can lead to financial growth—but trust me on this: if someone calls it “passive income,” treat it as a warning label, not a promise. The universe is funny. Algorithms are smarter than us. And my trust in humans who brag about passive income? Completely evaporated, just like my patience during their multi-step tutorials.
So next time someone casually drops “passive income” into conversation, smile politely, nod, and silently marvel at their confidence. Then retreat to a quiet corner, maybe with a pizza or a coffee, and reflect on the absurdity of modern finance. It’s hilarious, it’s tragic, and it’s guaranteed to make you question humanity—one spreadsheet at a time.
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