WHY MY BANK CALLED ME AFTER I GOOGLED ‘HOW TO GET RICH FAST’.
WHY MY BANK CALLED ME AFTER I GOOGLED “HOW TO GET RICH FAST”
I have always believed the internet is a magical place where dreams come true, credit scores improve while you sleep, and “financial freedom” is just a motivational quote away. So when my life savings reached the impressive sum of $37.18, I decided it was time to take my destiny seriously.
Naturally, I opened Google and typed the most responsible financial keyword any adult could ever type: “How to get rich fast.”
. This was the moment everything in my life shifted.
This was also the moment my bank decided I needed emergency counselling.
I didn’t even know banks provided emotional support, but apparently they do—especially when your search history screams, “This customer is about to do something financially catastrophic.”
---
The first thing Google did was show me ads about passive income, investment portfolios, cryptocurrency trading, credit repair, real estate financing, high-yield savings accounts, and one ad that simply said:
“Stop Googling and work.”
I ignored that one because it felt personally disrespectful.
---
As I kept scrolling, Google’s algorithm did that thing where it judges you silently. Suddenly it started recommending videos like:
“10 Signs You Are Broke.”
“Why Your Credit Score Is Crying.”
“How To Build Wealth When You Have Nothing Except Hope.”
“What To Do When Your Financial Future Looks Like Wet Bread.”
But the real chaos started when I clicked a link titled:
“How To Become A Millionaire In 24 Hours (No Experience Needed).”
Surely nothing suspicious about that, right?
---
Five minutes later, my phone rang.
It was my bank.
Not a robot.
Not an automated line.
A human being who sounded like she had been trained by the FBI, NASA, and the Federal Reserve.
She didn’t even greet me politely. She just dove straight into stress:
“Good afternoon, sir. We’re calling regarding some interesting digital behavior on your account.”
“Digital behavior?”
Ma’am, I Googled one thing. One. Single. Thing.
But according to my bank, my search history looked like a financial crime scene.
---
She said, “We’re noticing you searched both ‘how to get rich fast’ and ‘how to disappear legally.’”
I screamed.
I only clicked it because the title was catchy, not because I wanted to join witness protection.
Then she added,
“We want to ensure you’re not planning to move your funds into a suspicious high-risk investment scheme.”
My funds?
What funds?
I wanted to tell her the $37.18 in my account could not even be classified as “funds.”
It is pocket change with ambition.
---
She sighed and continued, “We can connect you to a financial advisor.”
I imagined myself sitting in front of a professional analyst explaining that my long-term investment plan was simply “praying aggressively.”
I politely declined her offer.
---
But things escalated quickly.
Because while I was talking to the bank, Google kept sending me financial ads, like it was deliberately trying to embarrass me.
The moment I hung up the call, I opened Instagram. Immediately, I saw sponsored posts saying:
“Boost your credit score today!”
“Start affiliate marketing!”
“Invest in real estate with no money down!”
“Make passive income in your sleep!”
It was as if the entire financial services industry gathered in one meeting and decided:
“This man is desperate. Attack.”
---
At this point, I panicked.
I opened YouTube for comfort, but YouTube betrayed me too.
The algorithm showed me:
“Why Get-Rich-Quick Schemes Are A Trap.”
“What To Do When Your Bank Thinks You’re a Threat.”
“Signs Your Financial Life Is Fading Like an Expired Light Bulb.”
I wasn’t sure if YouTube wanted to help me or mock me.
---
But the real problem came later that night when my Google Discover feed showed me an article titled:
“Why People Who Search ‘How To Get Rich Fast’ Are 99% Likely To Make Terrible Decisions.”
The disrespect felt personal.
---
The next morning, I walked into my bank to prove I was mentally stable.
The security guard looked at me like he had seen my search history too.
I stepped up to the counter, and the banker smiled the way therapists smile at patients who are one emotional sneeze away from collapse.
She asked,
“How can we assist with your…financial goals?”
I wasn’t sure whether to answer or cry.
---
I told her the truth.
“I just want to become rich.”
She blinked slowly, like she was rebooting.
She said, “Well, wealth building involves consistent saving, responsible spending, understanding compound interest, diversified investment strategies, risk assessment, and long-term financial planning.”
I nodded like I understood a single word she said.
I did not.
---
Then she printed a financial guide for me.
It was 48 pages.
The title was:
“Everything You Didn’t Want To Know About Money.”
I didn’t even carry it home.
It was too heavy, emotionally.
---
Later, I opened my banking app and noticed something new.
Under my account balance, the bank added a message:
“Tip of the day: Please stop searching suspicious financial terms.”
Even my bank app was tired of me.
---
But the chaos didn’t end.
Two days later, I Googled:
“How to make passive income without working.”
Google didn’t even give me search results.
It gave me therapy links.
---
My bank called again.
This time the lady said,
“Sir… we’re genuinely concerned. Are you planning to join a pyramid scheme?”
I wanted to tell her, “No, ma'am, but if the scheme guarantees fast returns and a villa in Dubai, we can discuss.”
But I kept quiet.
---
At this point, I realized something:
Whenever you search “how to get rich fast,” the financial universe assumes you’re either:
1. Desperate
2. Confused
3. Emotionally unstable
4. All of the above
Unfortunately… the correct answer in my case was number 4.
---
I tried to redeem myself.
I Googled something sensible:
“How to budget effectively.”
Google didn’t believe me.
It responded with:
“Did you mean: ‘How to make quick money online?’”
I cannot explain the level of disrespect the algorithm has for me.
---
Then I tried another mature keyword:
“How to improve financial literacy.”
But Google knew my soul.
It knew I wasn’t ready to be serious.
Because it immediately recommended:
“Top 10 Side Hustles That Require No Skills.”
Google was correct.
I cannot lie.
---
At this point, I accepted my destiny.
Maybe I wasn’t built for wealth.
Maybe I was meant to be a mystery that banks gossip about during lunch breaks.
I imagine employees whispering:
“That’s him. The man who searched ‘How to get rich fast’ and caused a system alert.”
---
But the real twist happened one week later.
I got an email titled:
“Financial Opportunities Based on Your Recent Activity.”
I opened it with hope.
It said:
“Here are ways to build wealth responsibly instead of suspiciously.”
The shade was unnecessary.
---
The email contained links for:
High-yield savings accounts
Low-risk investment portfolios
Credit score repair services
Debt consolidation programs
Financial planning tools
Retirement accounts
Tax-efficient investment strategies
I clicked none of them.
My spirit wasn’t ready for adulthood.
---
But here’s the shocking part:
The more I searched for “wealth,” the more the internet assumed I was financially unstable.
Every website I opened showed ads about:
Personal loans
Budgeting apps
Credit monitoring
Financial coaching
Debt relief
Emergency savings
Investment calculators
Real estate financing options
Cryptocurrency trading platforms
I felt like the face of global financial struggle.
---
Then it happened.
Google sent me a notification boldly saying:
“We found content that may help improve your financial situation.”
Google, relax.
I didn’t say I was suffering.
---
But the absolute PEAK of the entire situation was this:
One day I typed,
“How to become financially independent without stress.”
Immediately—no delay—my bank app logged me out automatically.
That was when I knew I had reached the limit.
---
I sat down in silence.
I told myself,
“Maybe wealth is not something to chase. Maybe wealth is something that chases you once you stop embarrassing yourself.”
Did I believe that?
Not at all.
But it reduced my anxiety.
---
So here’s what I learned:
If you want peace of mind, never Google anything that begins with:
“How to get rich fast”
“How to make millions overnight”
“How to win the lottery with strategy”
“How to fake your financial confidence”
Because the internet will judge you, your bank will panic, and you might end up receiving more financial advice than you ever asked for in your entire existence.
---
Today, I Google safer things like:
“How to save money responsibly.”
“How to build long-term wealth.”
“What is compound interest?”
Even though I still don’t know what compound interest is.
But at least my bank hasn’t called me again.
Probably because they’ve already given up.
---
And that is the story of how one innocent search—“How to get rich fast”—turned me into a person the financial system now monitors like a reality TV character.
If anyone asks, just tell them:
I wasn’t trying to get rich fast…
I was simply trying to avoid being broke slowly.
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