HOW MY TAX CONSULTANT LOOKED AT MY RECEIPTS AND WHISPERED ‘OH LORD’
HOW MY TAX CONSULTANT LOOKED AT MY RECEIPTS AND WHISPERED “OH LORD”
I have experienced many terrifying things in adulthood, including checking my bank account balance after “just a little online shopping,” opening my crypto wallet after a market crash, and calculating how much money I’ve spent on food delivery in a single month.
But nothing — absolutely nothing — prepared me for the moment my tax consultant looked at my pile of receipts, removed his glasses slowly like a disappointed professor, and whispered, “Oh Lord.”
At that moment, I knew two things:
1. My financial life was a comedy show with no commercial breaks.
2. I should have majored in accounting instead of pretending financial literacy was something optional.
. I sat down, he sat down, and the receipts sat there like a stack of crimes waiting to be confessed.
---
THE FINANCIAL HORROR BEGINS
The first receipt he picked up was from a restaurant where I spent the kind of money people use to purchase a functional refrigerator.
He looked at it, looked at me, and then looked at the ceiling as if asking the heavens why I exist.
I tried to explain that the meal came with “premium organic air,” which I assumed was included in the price.
He didn’t laugh. He only whispered again, “Oh Lord.”
Then he picked another receipt — this one from an online shopping spree I barely remembered.
There were financial transactions for skincare, financial transactions for slippers, financial transactions for a motivational book titled “If You’re Broke, Stop Buying Stuff You Don’t Need,” which I ironically purchased during that same shopping spree.
My tax consultant stared at that particular receipt like it personally insulted his ancestors.
---
THE MOMENT HE REALIZED I HAVE NO FINANCIAL STRATEGY
At some point, he opened a spreadsheet and asked me calmly, “What financial plan were you following this year?”
I told him proudly, “The freestyle method.”
He blinked twice, leaned back, and whispered another, “Oh Lord,” but this time slower, like a prayer request.
He asked if I had an investment portfolio.
I said yes.
He asked what was in it.
I said, “Mostly hope.”
He asked if I had a retirement plan.
I told him, “I plan to retire from spending first.”
He didn’t write anything down for five whole minutes.
He just stared into space like someone reviewing their life choices.
---
MY RECEIPTS STARTED TELLING MY LIFE STORY
Receipts can be brutally honest.
One of them revealed that I bought an online financial course at 2:48AM, which is the exact hour when every bad financial decision is born.
Another showed a subscription renewal for a service I swore I cancelled three years ago.
Then he found the worst one — a receipt for a “limited edition luxury scented candle” that cost enough to start a small business.
He stared at it, then whispered, “Oh Lord,” for the fourth time.
At that point, I realized “Oh Lord” had become my new credit score.
---
THE CONSULTANT TRIES TO SAVE MY FINANCIAL SOUL
He adjusted his tie, took a deep breath, and said, “We need to discuss budgeting.”
I nodded like a student ready to learn.
But the moment he asked, “Do you track your expenses?” I responded, “Emotionally, yes.”
He rubbed his forehead like someone who had aged 15 years within our one-hour session.
Then he printed a financial management chart, slid it across the table, and said, “This might save your life.”
I looked at it and said, “Do you have one with pictures?”
He whispered again: “Oh Lord.”
---
THE TAX DEDUCTIONS DISASTER
When he began calculating deductions, things got worse.
He asked, “Do you have any business-related expenses?”
I proudly said, “Yes, I bought a laptop, a financial planning notebook, and a ring light.”
He asked, “How is a ring light business-related?”
I told him, “It helps me look financially stable on video calls.”
He didn’t whisper “Oh Lord.”
This time he sighed loudly, a sigh that sounded like it came from the deepest part of the financial universe.
---
THE RECEIPT THAT BROKE HIM
At the bottom of the pile, there was a tiny receipt from a coffee shop.
Just a simple, harmless-looking slip of paper.
He picked it up and saw that I spent $28 on a cup of “ethically sourced, hand-massaged, gold-sprinkled artisan latte.”
He froze.
He didn’t whisper “Oh Lord.”
He didn’t speak.
He simply closed his laptop gently, stood up, walked to the window, and stared outside for a full minute like a man rethinking his entire career.
When he returned, he whispered the longest, slowest “Ohhhhhh Loooooord” I have ever heard in my life.
---
THE TRUTH COMES OUT ABOUT MY SPENDING HABITS
He asked me, “Do you realize you spent over $1,800 this year on snacks?”
I told him, “Financial self-care.”
He said, “This is not self-care. This is financial sabotage.”
He showed me charts — charts I did not ask for — showing that my spending pattern looked like the heartbeat of someone sprinting uphill while being chased by tax officers.
He said, “Your financial behavior is unpredictable.”
I said, “Thank you.”
He said, “It wasn’t a compliment.”
---
THE CREDIT CARD CHAOS
Next, he reviewed my credit card statements.
He took one look and said, “Did you borrow money to buy a book on savings?”
I nodded proudly.
He whispered: “Oh Lord.”
Then he discovered I once paid a late fee that was higher than the bill itself.
He asked why.
I told him, “It was a stressful week.”
He stared at me without blinking.
He asked if I understood interest rates.
I said, “I understand they’re rude.”
---
THE MOMENT HE BEGAN TO PRAY
At some point during our meeting, he quietly put his hand on his forehead and whispered something under his breath.
I’m not sure what he said, but I heard the words “financial deliverance.”
He asked, “Do you know your debt-to-income ratio?”
I said, “Emotionally? High.”
He asked, “Do you know your tax bracket?”
I said, “Whichever one cries the most.”
---
MY FINANCIAL “ASSETS” THAT ARE NOT ASSETS
He asked if I owned any appreciating assets.
I said yes.
He asked what they were.
I said, “My confidence.”
He wrote nothing down.
Then he asked about real assets like property, stocks, or bonds.
I told him I have a cryptocurrency investment I bought during the peak of market hype.
He asked how it’s doing.
I told him, “It’s on life support.”
He whispered: “Oh Lord.”
---
THE FINAL CALCULATION THAT SHOOK BOTH OF US
After gathering all the receipts, statements, and emotional damage, he finally calculated my taxes.
The number appeared on his screen like a horror movie reveal.
He turned the laptop around slowly.
I stared at the number.
He stared at me.
We both whispered, “Oh Lord,” at the same time.
That was the moment we bonded spiritually.
---
THE ADVICE THAT COULD SAVE MY FUTURE
He gave me a list of financial recommendations.
Budgeting.
Expense tracking.
Investment planning.
Emergency savings.
Income optimization.
Tax-efficient financial strategies.
I nodded like a responsible adult, even though deep inside, I knew the next shiny online ad would destroy all my progress.
He told me, “The goal is to be financially stable.”
I told him, “The goal is to at least stop surprising you.”
He whispered one final, exhausted, heartfelt “Oh Lord.”
---
THE AFTERMATH: SELF-REFLECTION OR SOMETHING LIKE IT
When I got home, I looked at my receipts again.
I understood why he whispered.
My financial life is not a disaster — it is a blockbuster comedy with premium HD sound effects.
I realized I spend money like the universe will personally refund me.
I shop like I’m trying to stimulate the global economy single-handedly.
I save like I’m allergic to the concept.
But I also realized something else:
If my tax consultant still agrees to work with me next year, it means miracles are real.
---
FINAL CONCLUSION: I NEED HELP
In the end, I accepted the truth.
Financial literacy is not optional.
Tax planning is real.
And receipts never lie.
My consultant’s whispered “Oh Lord” was not judgment.
It was prophecy.
It was a warning.
It was a financial alarm clock shouting, “Wake up before your bank account files for emotional damages.”
So now, I am officially committed to cleaning up my finances.
I will budget.
I will track expenses.
I will build savings.
I will invest wisely.
And above all, next tax season, I want my consultant to look at my receipts and say something new.
Maybe not “Great job.”
But at least something better than “Oh Lord.”
Until then, I will try my best to avoid buying $28 artisan lattes.
But no promises.
😂 Don’t Miss Out On The Madness!
I drop brand-new funny, wild, and brain-sparking stories every day at exactly 6 AM — yes, your early-morning dose of comedy! From “Naija wahala” to global comedy gist, I deliver laughter hotter than Lagos sun ☀️ Subscribe now or risk missing your daily dose of “hilarious wisdom”! 😎🔥
🚀 Join the laughter squad — your inbox will thank you later! 💌 #DavidDWriter | Daily 6 AM Comedy Post 😁
Comments
Post a Comment