HOW MY UNCLE JOINED FOREX TRADING AND TURNED OUR WIFI INTO A WAR ZONE
HOW MY UNCLE JOINED FOREX TRADING AND TURNED OUR WIFI INTO A WAR ZONE
If peace had a physical form in my house, it packed its bags and left the very day my uncle discovered forex trading, online investment platforms, and the “life-changing potential of digital finance.” Before that, our home was calm, peaceful, and beautifully quiet—the kind of place where the Wi-Fi password was shared freely, like love and air.
But then my uncle watched one motivational YouTube video, and instantly believed he was the next global financial genius. Those videos with titles like:
. “Turn $10 Into $10,000 Overnight!”
“How I Retired at 19 Using Forex Trading!”
“Why You’re Still Poor: The Shocking Truth!”
He watched them. He believed them. He became one with them. And that was how our Wi-Fi entered a season of tribulation.
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THE DAY OUR WIFI DIED SPIRITUALLY
The moment my uncle downloaded his first forex trading app, the Wi-Fi began acting like it needed therapy. Any time he opened the app, the Wi-Fi would suddenly start buffering like it was struggling for breath. Every device in the house would disconnect. Even the television would suddenly say “No Network,” as if it too was avoiding being associated with his trading identity.
He took this as a sign that “the market is volatile,” not that the Wi-Fi was terrified. He started shouting things like:
“I MUST ENTER THIS TRADE!”
“THE MARKET IS MOVING WITHOUT ME!”
“GOD OF FOREX, REMEMBER ME!”
Meanwhile, Google Chrome was gently whispering: No Internet Connection.
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THE FOREX TRADER WHO OWED EVERYONE IN HEAVEN AND EARTH
Within one week:
He borrowed my power bank “to monitor the market.”
He borrowed my sister’s laptop “for technical analysis.”
He borrowed my mother’s glasses “to see candlesticks clearly.”
He borrowed my dad’s chair because “wealth requires posture.”
But the funniest thing he borrowed was confidence. He started speaking financial terms with the strength of someone who owned multiple investment portfolios, even though his entire balance was $2.64.
He would say things like:
“I’m analyzing the global financial market.”
“The U.S. dollar index is affecting my strategy.”
“My long-term investment goals are aligning.”
But secretly, all I saw on his screen was:
BALANCE: $2.64
EQUITY: $1.19
MARGIN: God help you.
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FOREX TRADERS AND THEIR SPIRITUAL ANTENNA
Once he became a forex trader, he stopped walking like a normal person. He began pacing around the house with the seriousness of someone monitoring the stock market crash of 1929. If you touched him while he was analyzing charts, he would jump like you disconnected his future.
He even started talking to the Wi-Fi like it was his employee.
“Connect. CONNECT NOW. Stop wasting my entry point!”
One day, the Wi-Fi refused to connect for four minutes. He turned to it and said:
“If I lose this trade… just know you have ended generational wealth.”
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THE WIFI WAR BEGINS
The day he discovered live trading, our house officially became a battlefield.
My sister tried to stream Netflix. The network died instantly. My dad tried loading his banking app. The wheel kept spinning like it was running a marathon. I tried uploading an assignment. Google Drive simply said: “Try again later.”
Meanwhile, my uncle held the Wi-Fi router above his head like Simba in Lion King, shouting:
“DO NOT FAIL ME! I AM ENTERING A BUY POSITION!”
The router blinked three times—probably begging for mercy.
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THE PEAK OF MADNESS: HE STARTED GIVING MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
After two losing trades, he became a global finance philosopher. He said:
“Do not fear financial risks… fear lack of financial literacy.”
“You can’t fail in the forex market unless you stop trying.”
“My losses are simply investment into my education.”
Yet, this same man was sweating like fried chicken. And he refused to admit he didn’t know what he was doing. Even when he lost $40, he blamed: “market manipulation,” “global inflation,” “economic downturn,” and one very specific reason: “My village people are monitoring my trades.”
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THE FAMILY MEETING WE NEVER EXPECTED
After one particularly tragic loss, he called a family meeting. We thought he wanted to apologize.
Instead, he said:
“I need everyone here to reduce their Wi-Fi usage. My financial breakthrough depends on this router.”
My father looked at him: “You mean THIS router? The one we bought on discount?”
“Yes. Wealth flows through it.”
My mom sighed. My sister laughed. I began praying.
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THE DAY HE JOINED A FOREX WHATSAPP GROUP
This was the final blow. That group transformed him from “normal beginner” to “international disaster.” They told him things like:
“Buy now!”
“Hold!”
“Sell immediately!!”
“Don’t trust the banks!”
“Trust only the market!”
He became unstable. He started waking up at 2AM “to catch the London session,” set alarms at 3:15AM, 4:50AM, 5:27AM, each named:
“Wake up, millionaire.”
“Your destiny is calling.”
“Don’t let poverty win.”
Yet, his account balance the next morning said:
BALANCE: $0.00
MARGIN CALL: Active
ACCOUNT STATUS: Rest in peace.
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THE WIFI FINALLY HAD ENOUGH
The router stopped working completely. No light, no blinking, no sign of life. My uncle screamed:
“NOOO! MY TRADE!”
He shook it. He slapped it gently. He blew air into it like a birthday candle. He prayed for it. The router said nothing. It had gone to be with the Lord.
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THE FINAL TRAGEDY THAT ENDED EVERYTHING
The moment the Wi-Fi died, MTN sent him a message:
“You have used 98% of your data.”
He collapsed like an abandoned vegetable. My father said: “Maybe it’s time you stop trading.” He replied: “I cannot. Financial freedom requires sacrifice.” Then he opened YouTube and watched another video titled:
“How to Recover From Forex Losses Fast.”
And that’s how we knew he was never coming back.
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THE MORAL OF THE STORY
If someone:
wears slides in winter
says “forex is easy”
believes a $5 account can buy a Tesla
fights the Wi-Fi like it owes them money
DO NOT take financial advice from them. Hide your Wi-Fi password. Protect your electricity bill. And for the love of global peace, protect your router. Once someone becomes a forex trader, you are not just living with a person… you are living with a walking economic crisis.
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