WHY MY SAVINGS ACCOUNT IS PRACTICING SOCIAL DISTANCING FROM MONEY
WHY MY SAVINGS ACCOUNT IS PRACTICING SOCIAL DISTANCING FROM MONEY
If money truly talks, then my own money must be whispering, because I clearly never hear from it. In fact, at this point, I’m convinced my savings account has developed a global pandemic-level commitment to social distancing from actual funds. I open my banking app the same way people open horror movie doors—slowly, carefully, prayerfully, and hoping the villain isn’t waiting behind it.
But there it is.
Looking like a financial obituary.
And somehow, every month, it gets even lower—like it’s training for a limbo competition called “How Low Can You Go Before Your Owner Cries?”
I used to believe my savings account was a safe place for money. Now I'm convinced it's a witness protection program for dollars, and the moment funds enter, they disappear to some undisclosed tropical location without informing me. Probably chilling at a private beach with other people’s responsible savings, drinking coconut water and laughing at my financial planning skills.
And people online keep shouting things like:
“Build wealth!”
“Increase your financial portfolio!”
“Maximize your passive income streams!”
“Invest in long-term assets!”
“Grow your net worth!”
Meanwhile, my bank account is practicing financial minimalism against my will. That account is not trying to grow anything. That account rejects money the way some people reject commitment—violently, consistently, and with a deep sense of personal boundaries.
I transferred money into it last week, and the balance literally blinked like,
“Are you sure? You know I don’t like company.”
At this point, my savings account is the introvert of the financial world. It sees money coming and says,
“Ugh, people. No thanks.”
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Why My Bank Account Behaves Like This (According to My Personal ‘Financial Investigation’)
After deep analysis, world-class economic research (Google search), and spiritual consultation with my ancestors, I discovered the truth:
1. Expenses Are Faster Than the Speed of Light
Einstein said nothing travels faster than light.
Einstein clearly never met my bills.
My expenses move like Olympic sprinters powered by high-value financial keywords:
Automatic payments
Digital subscriptions
Online transactions
Recurring expenses
High interest rates
Sometimes I get a debit alert for something I didn’t even know I subscribed to. Apparently, my past self was signing up for free trials the way politicians make promises—freely, recklessly, and without any plan to deal with the consequences.
Netflix takes its money.
Data bundles take their money.
Delivery apps take their money.
And my savings?
It sits there maintaining zero financial confidence, watching money run away like I’m allergic to it.
---
2. My Bank Charges Are Smarter Than Me
Let me tell you something: banking systems are not institutions—they are financial ninjas.
They move silently.
They strike suddenly.
And before you understand what happened, your balance is gone.
“Maintenance fee.”
“SMS fee.”
“Card fee.”
“E-levy.”
“VAT.”
“Mysterious unexplained transaction fee that the bank will pretend not to notice.”
The moment I see “Dear Customer…”
I know the rest of the message will break my heart.
I once calculated how much I’ve spent paying unnecessary bank charges.
Let’s just say:
If I had saved that money, I’d have been richer than at least three Disney Channel characters by now.
---
3. My Spending Habits Are… Let’s Call Them ‘Financially Creative’
Some people budget.
Some people save.
Some people invest.
Then there’s me—
a financial freestyle dancer.
Anytime I say, “I’m not spending money today,” that’s the exact moment everything in my life decides to fall apart:
WiFi expires
Toothpaste finishes
Slippers tear
Phone battery dies
Blender stops working
An emergency arises from the spiritual realm
I once left my house with the intention to only buy bread.
I returned with bread, a new shirt, a phone pouch, juice, snacks, and a deep sense of financial regret.
Was it necessary?
No.
Was it avoidable?
Also no.
A discount sign releases dopamine stronger than any pharmaceutical drug.
---
4. Inflation Has Become My Personalized Villain
Inflation is no longer an economic term.
It is a living, breathing supervillain wearing a cape and stealing from me emotionally, spiritually, and financially.
Everything is expensive now:
Groceries
Rent
Utility bills
Transportation
Basic human survival
Even air feels like it will soon be taxable.
Inflation is that one character in the movie who ruins everything.
If inflation had a ringtone, it would be the sound of my wallet screaming.
---
5. My Income Streams Are More Like Income Drips
Personal finance experts say:
“You need multiple streams of income.”
Meanwhile, I don’t even have one reliable stream.
What I have is:
A drizzle
A sprinkle
A moist whisper of income
A spiritual promise of future financial blessings
Sometimes my earnings look like they’re being filtered through a sieve designed by my enemies.
And then motivational speakers add pressure:
“Wake up at 4 AM!”
“Invest in ETFs!”
“Build your portfolio!”
“Start a side hustle!”
“Grow your financial assets!”
Sir, at 4 AM I am busy sleeping and dreaming of a stable bank balance.
Please respect my mental health.
---
THE OFFICIAL MOMENT I REALIZED MY SAVINGS ACCOUNT WAS SOCIALLY DISTANCING FROM MONEY
It happened on a peaceful Tuesday morning.
I opened my banking app with confidence.
The kind of confidence people have before reality humbles them.
I expected to see at least some growth.
Just a little.
Maybe money had multiplied overnight—financial reproduction or something.
I checked the balance.
My soul left my body, travelled to heaven, filled a complaint form, and came back.
Even the bank app lagged like it was ashamed.
The balance was so low that my phone screen dimmed automatically out of sympathy. I thought the phone shut down from embarrassment.
I refreshed the app.
Nothing changed.
I shook the phone.
Nothing changed.
I turned off WiFi and turned it back on.
The money still refused to appear.
That’s when I realized:
My savings account is not empty because I’m broke.
It’s empty because it’s practicing social distancing from money.
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THE PSYCHOLOGY BEHIND MY ACCOUNT’S DISAPPEARING MONEY (ACCORDING TO ME)
I believe my savings account is behaving like an introverted celebrity.
It wants peace.
It wants quiet.
It wants to remain empty so nobody disturbs it.
Money entering my account feels like a visitor overstaying their welcome.
My account looks at funds and says:
“Wow… you came?
Oya go back.”
Meanwhile, other people online post screenshots of:
Investment returns
Compounding interest
High-yield savings accounts
Profitable wealth portfolios
Digital asset gains
Stock market earnings
Passive income strategies
And I’m here refreshing my banking app as if the numbers will suddenly grow out of pity.
Even my calculator is tired of me.
Sometimes it refuses to calculate because it knows the result will depress me.
---
MY ATTEMPT AT SERIOUS FINANCIAL DISCIPLINE
I tried everything:
1. Budgeting apps
Result: I deleted them out of anger. Budgeting apps expose too much truth and I am not emotionally ready for that journey.
2. Savings challenges
I started a 52-week savings challenge.
Arrived at week 3 and quietly exited the program.
3. Financial literacy content
I watched YouTube videos about personal finance.
Fifteen minutes later, I ordered fast food.
4. High-yield savings account
They said “high-yield.”
But the interest rate is so tiny it looks like an apology note.
5. Cutting unnecessary expenses
Turns out everything I buy is “necessary” when I’m stressed.
---
THE REAL MYSTERY: WHY DOES MONEY LEAVE FASTER THAN IT ARRIVES?
I investigated my financial lifestyle like a detective.
With a notebook.
And snacks (because suffering is easier when you’re chewing).
Here are my findings:
Money has commitment issues.
Expenses have attachment issues.
Bills have anger issues.
My financial discipline has abandonment issues.
My savings account has social distancing issues.
My income has mobility issues.
And my spending habits? Those ones have spiritual issues.
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THE MOST ACCURATE FINANCIAL ANALOGY FOR MY LIFE
My finances are like a WiFi signal:
Sometimes strong
Sometimes weak
Sometimes nonexistent
And sometimes it disappears exactly when I need it
My money is like seasonal weather—unpredictable, unstable, unreliable.
My wallet is like a ghost town—quiet, empty, and filled with memories of what once lived there.
---
CONCLUSION: I NEED A FINANCIAL RESET BUTTON IMMEDIATELY
I have accepted my fate.
My savings account will continue practicing social distancing from money until:
My income increases
My expenses stop fighting me
My financial habits mature
Inflation gets delivered
Bank charges repent
And God personally intervenes in my economic destiny
Until then, the only thing growing in my financial life is my sense of humor.
Maybe my savings account refuses to hold money because it knows I need new content for my blog.
In that case…
Dear Savings Account,
thank you for being empty.
You are the reason this article exists.
But still—
please, I beg you, allow money to visit you once in a while.
Your loneliness is becoming embarrassing.
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